Dave's a Dick (9 of ?)

From: "Kijiji Reply (from *************@hotmail.com)" <post@kijiji.ca>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Thursday, November 3, 2011 9:40:19 PM
Subject: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji

Hello! The following is a reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji: 

From: *************@hotmail.com

Wats your lowest offer 

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Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 09:51:14 -0700
From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji
To: *************@hotmail.com

$75.00

Regards,

Dave

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From: R****G**** T************* <*************@hotmail.com>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Friday, November 4, 2011 1:21:17 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji

Ur add says $30..? 

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From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 13:08:31 -0600
To: *************@hotmail.com

Dear valued customer,

Yes, the listed price is $30.00. However, the listing also says that the price is firm. I trust that you read my ad before emailing me, so I assumed you were actually asking me what would be my lowest offer on a life-size Vicki doll from the 80s sitcom "Small Wonder." I would pay a lot more than $75.00 for such a vital piece of childhood nostalgia, but that would be my opening bid and thus lowest offer for it. While I did find it odd and random that you would be emailing out-of-the-blue about my lowest offer on a Vicki statue, it seems much more likely than you asking me a question already answered in my advertisement because you did not read the ad first. 

Please forward me a link and/or pictures of the Small Wonder doll at your earliest convenience, so I may post my lowest offer right away! Thank you in advance,

Regards,

Dave

Sent via telepathy.

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From: R****G**** T************* <*************@hotmail.com>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Friday, November 4, 2011 1:21:17 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji

Ok. Thanks 

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From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 13:28:57 -0600
To: *************@hotmail.com

You are most welcome. 

Unfortunately I did not receive a link to the Small Wonder doll from you yet. Please forward ASAP as I am eager to bid! Thanks!

Regards,

Dave

Sent via telepathy.

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From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 19:40:24 -0600
To: *************@hotmail.com

Dear fellow Small Wonder fanatic,

I know you're probably really busy and that's why you haven't got that link for the doll to me yet. That's okay. I'm just emailing because I'm so happy to meet a fellow Small Wonder fan (us Small Wonderians are rare)! How long have you been a fan of Vicki (I know it's actually V.I.C.I., but just typing Vicki is so much easier), Jamie, and the gang? I've been a hardcore fan ever since the show first aired in 1985! I can't tell you how excited I was when they released the first two seasons on DVD! I had to order them from a pretty expensive vendor on eBay but I think it was worth it to see all those episodes again! If you want, I can burn you copies of the DVDs, though I'm sure that being a fellow fan you already have the DVD sets as well!

I've taken the liberty of signing you up for daily emails from the Small Wonder Fan Collaborative. The emails will come directly to your email address (gelyne_rommel@hotmail.com) every day at around 3:00PM mountain time. I find them pretty interesting. Usually they contain fan fiction and letters that we fans wrote to Tiffany Brissette when we were children but never actually sent those letters out. Recently they've added a telesnap feature in which every day they publish about one hundred screen captures of a particular episode and then provide textual explanation about what was happening in each frame. It's particularly handy to fans who have no access to the DVDs and want to relive the episodes as best they can.

Also the Small Wonder Fan Collaborative (SWFC) sends out remixes of the theme song (about three a day), which are a pretty wild listen! Highly recommended! Each email is about 150MB in size so make sure you clear out your email inbox every day so you can receive the emails! I've requested that the SWFC coordinator mark the emails as important so that they will not go to your spam/junk folder and will always be at the top of your email list. No need to thank me. You'd do the same for me. 

I've also added you to the SWFC forums so you can see what's up real-time with us fellow fans. Please be sure to log in and add your home address to make sure you get the most out of the forum experience!

Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm just so excited to know another hardcore SW fan that lives so close. We should totally go out for coffee and talk about our favourite moments of the show! What is your phone number? I will call you! OMG exciting!

Lastly, here's a clip from the rare banned third season episode "Ted Takes a Peek." You've probably seen it before. It's the scene where Vicki leans over to pick up the trash and Ted rubs his pelvis up against her posterior and causes her to short out. So funny! Not sure why they banned it (aside from the obvious pedophilia-related reasons). Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ&ob=av3e

All right, I'll stop now. But I hope to hear back from you and get together! Small Wonder ROCKS!

Regards,

Dave




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From: smallwonderfancollaborative@yahoo.com

Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji

Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 19:40:24 -0600

To: *************@hotmail.com



Dear smallwondercreepyobsessedfan111,

Thanks for registering at the Small Wonder Fan Collaborative! We are glad you have chosen to be a part of our community and we hope you enjoy your stay.

We would also like to encourage you to read our Code of Conduct within the FAQ area of our forum. The Code of Conduct contains the rules by which the website and board are run. You are expected to know these rules and follow them. If you have any questions about any of the rules, please do not hesitate to ask.

You have signed up for the daily news letter. If you do not

receive the letter, please check your spam mail folder and deleted mail folder to ensure the letter was not delivered to either of those folders instead. If the letter is not reaching you, please contact us

immediately and we will remedy the situation for you.

Should you wish to cancel your membership with the Small Wonder Fan Collaborative, please reply to this email with the phrase "PLEASE CANCEL."



All the best,
Jesse Juanita Boigurl Del Torro
Small Wonder Fan Collaborative

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From: R***G*** T************* <*************@hotmail.com>
To: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Sent: Friday, November 4, 2011 10:44:57 PM
Subject: RE: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji

Ummm what is the vici doll i thought the ad was for the lifesize domo doll...  Please remove me from the small wonders club .

Thank you.

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From: wow_iz_lol@yahoo.ca
Subject: Re: Reply to your "DOMO - HUGE (almost TWO FEET TALL) plush Domokun Domo-Kun" Ad on Kijiji
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2011 21:19:35 -0600
To: *************@hotmail.com

Dear Small Wonder superfan,

Why do you want to be removed from the group? It's a great source for all your Small Wonderous needs! Since you are a Small Wonders fan, I thought you would really want to be a part of the group.

This is a picture of Ted from the show. I have a rape-face-smile just like he does right now because I'm such a big fan of the show!

Regards,

Dave

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Just Another Driving Rant

Picture it. Deerfoot Trail. Post-rush-hour traffic so there were no back-ups but traffic was steady. I'm moving along happily at the speed limit of 100km/h. Then, as I near my off-ramp, I come up behind...

The Stupid Asshole!

I hate these drivers. They drive on a major highway and seem completely oblivious to everything around them. Sometimes the Stupid Asshole will fail to pilot their vehicle within the segmented lines that make up their lane and swerve into your lane without even knowing what the hell is going on. Sometimes the Stupid Asshole crosses three or more lanes of traffic without ensuring it is safe to do so, thus cutting off those good drivers behind. Sometimes the Stupid Asshole merges on the highway at a speed far below the posted speed limit, causing you to have to slam on your brakes and cause everyone behind you to do the same. And sometimes the Stupid Asshole simply maintains a speed below the limit. The Stupid Asshole I was behind today was the latter.

Stupid Assholes not only disturb one or two drivers. They succeed in fucking up the traffic pattern for minutes to hours! ASSHOLES!

I can respect that sometimes a vehicle must be driven at a speed below the limit. If a car is riding on a doughnut spare tire (those spares that are smaller than regular tires for temporary use) that has an 80km/h maximum speed rating. Sometimes a vehicle may have sustained damage on the same road and now must travel more slowly until the driver can get off the road. And sometimes the entire flow of traffic averages below the speed limit, and I always say it is safer to drive with the flow of traffic than being a self-righteous douchewad.
Aside from those reasons, no vehicle has any excuse for driving below the speed limit unless they are stuck behind a Stupid Asshole or yielding to an emergency vehicle.

So now you can imagine why I become cross when I come up behind a Stupid Asshole. And you can imagine how frustrated I was when I came up behind this particular Stupid Asshole and discovered that there were two other Stupid Assholes in the other two lanes. It was like they were having a Stupid Asshole convention and driving side-by-side to effectively mach-block every vehicle behind was part of the festivities. I actually expected to see these Stupid Assholes with their arms outstretched from their windows to hold hands with their fellow Stupid Assholes, like it were Stupid Asshole pride parade.

Anyway, there was no where for me to go. I had to slow down to a mother effing 73km/h and so did everyone else around me. I attempted to honk, but the defining trait of a Stupid Asshole is that their obliviousness means they either don't realize the honk was directed at them or they think that they are good drivers and the honker is clearly insane. Out of options, I did what any one of you would have done.

I waved my hand across and said in my best Sir Alec Guinness voice "This is not the lane you're looking for." Now I'm not sure if the Stupid Asshole noticed my gesturing (and assumed I wanted him to move to the left)  or if I've nearly perfected my Jedi mind trick abilities, but that Stupid Asshole sped up and moved left in front of his fellow Stupid Asshole, leaving the right lane clear of Stupid Asshole obstacles! I returned to speed and continued on my way.

So it's true. Jedi mind tricks DO work on the weak minded and on Stupid Assholes. Now that I'm a believer, I'll be joining the Jedi order. If only that religion can teach me to use the Force to PUSH Stupid Assholes out of my way, I'll be the happiest driver in the world. But once the Stupid Assholes are all out of the way all the time, would I remain content or would my definition of Stupid Assholes change to accomodate less stupid and less assholic people? Like the dude that smokes in his car and flicks ashes out the window (grrrrrr!!!)? Or the gal in the Smart Car who parks her car by pulling it up to the line, thus making it appear to other parking stall hunters that her stall is empty until they're practically pulling into it? Oh yes, I could see it being an easy fall to the dark side. Perhaps a better idea would be to have cars that drive themselves. Just imagine what a wonderful commute it would be when everything was automated? Oh my, the possibilities!

/rant